“This is a story of art without markets, drama without a script, narrative without progress. The queer art of failure turns on the impossible, the improbable, the unlikely, and the unremarkable. It quietly loses, and in losing it imagines other goals for life, for love, for art, and for being.”
― J. Jack Halberstam, The Queer Art of Failure

W . I . P functions as a performance that embraces the art of failure by queering, clowning and exhausting contemporary references to class and gender through the sport of polo. A continuation of my own exploration of American heritage through her families career in horse breeding W . I . P uses the aesthetics of polo/steeplechasing to set up a system that turns failure on its head. 

video coming soon.

Possible time, unending liminality, an anxious lisp, potent moments, a retired self, former angst, age appropriate, weakened knees, a hanging gasp.

There is a moment where we begin to know time in a bodily sense. It is not an immediate shift, but a slow drip that leaks in. This plodding corporeal change sets off an awareness of our mortality and the slipperiness of permanence–we begin to know youth only as it has left us. While youth may have come and gone, there is always unfinished business. Our attempts to close the loop on unrequited love, endeavors incomplete, or trials never to be passed, pull us back to “what-ifs” and questions of potential time spent elsewhere, no matter the limits of our bodily capacity.

– Jameson Paige, curator

The Three Pieces shown here are:

soft climb (to carabiner)

red velvet attached with carabiner

Retiring the RodeoH

strap on, pvc pipe, roofing material, soft balls

Practice: 2008-2018

video installation with clipboard, runtime 30 minutes

Steeplechase is a two-hour durational performance on loop that uses a combined script of my parents favorite films (my mothers: Gone with the Wind and my fathers: Fiddler on the Roof) as a sound structure or rhythm to explore my position within my own American and Polish Immigrant heritage.

The loop, constructed in the aesthetic of a steeplechase continues to build on top of itself as objects are reconstructed, destroyed and dragged over the period of two hours. Running through a wilderness of foam bricks, plastic foliage, noise makers and pumps this “Americana utopian nightmare” draws on my exploration in stunt movement and clowning. The dedication to understand these obstacles is critical, but an obstacle never stays the same for long. The layout of the course contains an outdoor area with two jumps one wood and one foam, one balance beam a foot pump, buckets filled with repairing materials, bubble wrap, bricks, fake vines and a astroturf plinth.

Quotes from accompanying publication:

"the states of in betweenness, this Jewish southern queer thing. Lately I've been dealing with it by subscribing to this idea that when I am home I am just an animal. I clean myself, eat, fart, fuck, sleep and in those moments there is no future or past."

"A hero on a journey though a maze. A person who finds pleasure in falling. A man who is killed by his tractor. A child flung from her position. A mirage that plays fiddle on a roof. A character who has an infinite amount of lives. A boat that is made to float without passengers." 

"As I began to chip away at the path before me, I realized I had no idea how to motivate myself. To keep moving in this new climate. So I started stacking everything I owned, until they made abstract, tall, sweeping, shapes. And when the time was right I would press my feet into the tower, creating a flat disk that could be stepped over."

"I am proud of myself for stepping over a low bar, I am proud of myself for leaping over a high bar. A middle bar is just as good. But what about a sideways bar? Or a rolling bar? What about a bar that rattles like rain or floats like air?"

"An artist who is trying to hold themself and objects together, repeatedly, physically.  A way to feel comfortable with extensive cross-referencing, poetic mumbles and frantic bodies, A guide to how an artist can make meaning to build their own world. "

Pass-Rite: "I’ll Show You" facilitates the learned behavior of passing as a way of retraining the viewer how to “see” assimilation. By exploring the double meanings of the verb “to pass” (athletically and socially), Pass-Rite uses the potential to be seen “passing” as a defiance to the act. In social spaces, the pressures of passing can result in the erasure of queer experiences/histories. Under the guise of training the players will build a queer uncanny space, one that “passes” but is then questioned through their slight lack of mastery and embellished training objects. Over the next few months, the players will train with the pass-rite and explore concepts of muscle memory, physicality and endurance as well as preparing themselves for a long durational piece at. The rehearsal process and performances of Pass-Rite will be archived/recorded through sound in order to conceptualize a film piece. On the surface Pass-Rite “passes” as two players training how to pass a volleyball. The players are demanding to be seen in the act of passing, and in this declaration there is new opportunity to see something we all participate in.

What does it feel like to start a show?  How can fabric represent space/time and length?

swag, swag, swag enters the space as an "interruption" as I drag my body, creating a physical tool to roll out a red carpet. In addition attached to myself is the layered sound of screams.

Performance Anxiety: "Go And Love Yourself"  is a two and a half hour durational work where I attach myself to a fleshy toned air mattress and inflate it by fucking the floor. The pump is designed so that if I stop pumping the air will slowly leak out of the mattress, back through my device. The piece ends when my body can no longer inflate the mattress but there is enough air inside for me to crawl on top of it, sleep and leave.

How was I still drawing upon my imitation and research to puzzle together my own identity?

What was so seductive about the squeaky sound of pumping?

What began to feel important to me was not the end product of the “inflated object” but instead the state of inflating. This capture of measured time. A half deflated object is better then a fully inflated one not because it becomes a “failed object” but because it nows lives in this in-between space, this “uncanny reality”. And in this middle ground I find my own identity, a conversation about time and growth. That air being held in, the struggle of elastic, the release of breath. The time it takes to reach its end point in either direction before starting all over again. So what interests me in inflation is this “breathing” or record of breath/time and movement.

I created a breathing fold. A raw inflatable.

Album Tracks, (a series of performative objects) function as objects separated from their performative creation, or a record of effort exuded from the performer post performance. 

David Getsy talks about this in his introduction to his new book Queer: quote “Abstraction has been embraced for its oppositional, utopian, and critical possibilities, for it is in abstraction that the dynamic potential of queer stances can be manifested without recourse to the representation of bodies.”

Is there a set line between abstract and representation? Or can I make objects and performances that work in tandem to create a conversation between the two?The formation of this object has three parts: 

Part one: Formation of the base fold. I begin by tacking my base object on to the wall. I used a florescent pink inflatable air mat because it had ridges like do and is shapely like I am.

These stills are taken from my performance of NSYNC’s Bye Bye Bye

In the future I will be performing different routines, creating multiple objects, and connect them through tubing to allowing them to breathe through pressure from each other.    

(No, no, no) I'm Confident is an in progress performance investigating gender exploration, sexual frustration and balance through a karaoke style monologue. Set to the instrumental tune of Justin Bieber's song "Confident" the performer attempts to recite the lyrics while balancing. The lyrics are a collection of personal anecdotes, questionnaire answers and pop song lyrics. 

What happens when we feed a system that is completely ambivalent to our own needs? How do we show the exhausted body, the anxious body? When one system takes from another, grows larger, accumulates space and ultimately forms through the collapse of my own body what does that look like? What is the narrative of the “hero” or the “player” when the game has no clear sense or stakes? Goliath is an exploration of these questions and a series of verbs I have been re-defining within my own practice. Inflating, pumping, breathing and performing. The piece is structured in two parts: the first section inflating while the second an unreadable, practically impossible “game” to knock the object out of the sky.

Goliath has an aesthetic feel of something between a Cronenberg movie, Greek sculpture, and clunky apocalyptic athleticism.

Over time I have begun to structure my practice through different verbs I seem to gravitate towards while designing performances. Inflation, or the cycle of air between myself and another object is a subject that I have revisited countless times in my durational work. Through multiple performances exploring this verb I discovered that what became interesting to me was not the end product of the “inflated object” but instead the state of inflating. The capture of measured time, the exhausted body either giving air or having air taken from it. I began to create my own dialogue around a half inflated object, finding that it lives in an in-between space, or “uncanny reality”. Through this realization I have begun to create performances that showcase this middle state. I want the viewer to be aware of air being held in, the struggle of material and the release of my own breath. The time it takes to reach its end point in either direction before starting all over again. For me inflation is this “breathing” or record of time. Goliath would be the culmination of four performance experiments that have lead me to these definitions.

The second act of each performance (which I have referred to as the “game portion”) is set up to investigate the role of my body and the object once they are detached. In my work I have explored a giving role between performer and object but in Goliath I want to try and demonstrate a system that is taking something from me. I want the audience to feel exhausted while watching me. I want them to feel as though I will never succeed, because I want them to redefine what winning in this work really means. If an action has no anticipation of ending how do we interpret the rules to the game?

LECTURE SCRIPT

“Yes. I was born with the devil in me. I could not help the fact that I was a murderer, no more than the poet can help the inspiration to sing -- I was born with the "Evil One" standing as my sponsor beside the bed where I was ushered into the world, and he has been with me since." - 1893 H. H. Holmes 

THE LECTURE:

DEFINE “Serial Killer”: a person who murders three or more people. 

Now when I say “serial killer” I don’t think of Hitler or Bin Laden…police officers or soldiers. I think of the hulking freak who skins girls in a pit in his basement. 

“Serial Killer”: a person who murders three or more people. 

And these “people” I don’t know their names…So the question is who is immortalized? The victim or the murderer?

October 10th 2015 List of Items I decide I need in order to make contact:

-One Ghost Box

-Two Flashlights

-Reading Material

-Camera, Tripod

-Face Paint

-Glasses

-Halloween Candy

-Note book and pen

-Iphone Ghost Hunter APP

-Fake Blood 

(All concealed in a shopping bag)

THE SETTING: 

In 1893 during the Chicago Worlds Fair H. H Holmes killed an estimate of200 people in his “Murder Castle” basement. His confession, which was published a week before his death listed his reasoning as: “I was born with the devil in me.”

Chicago Illinois October 10th 2015 H. H Holmes “Murder Castle” remains are located 7.3 miles from where I live. I know this because I am obsessed with this story. I read the books and online material. I tell it around campfires to scare children. I embrace the ridiculousness of it all. And that skepticism rules my practice. But what would happen if I abandoned that? If I wanted in my to have an authentic experience.

How does it feel to read murder victims names off a page?:

Dr. Robert Leacock 

Dr. Russell 

Julia Conner and Pearl Conner 

Minnie Williams 

Nannie Williams 

THE EVIDENCE: 

I came across an old evidence log: Police research in the Holmes castle led by Detectives Fitzpatrick and Norton, brought to light out of the ashes of a stove some evidence of how the police believe the Williams sisters met their death. 

There were discovered:
A woman’s shoe, charred on the instep and at the toe.
Two human ribs, one partially consumed.
Metallic bar of a small hand satchel, such as women carry.
A bottle of carbolic acid, partly empty.
Several pearl dress buttons.
An ink bottle, supposed to have belonged to Minnie R. Williams.
A bit of dress goods, found sticking to the inside of the stove.
Some fine hair, caught in the stovepipe hole.

Today, there is a post office that sits in place of Holmes castle. I sit in an abandoned lot behind this place. I am in some sort of disguise, it is the only way I can feel safe in front of the unknown meaning: I don’t actually need glasses to read. I surround myself with Holmes confessions, 27 of his confirmed victims. I read each out loud, one by one. I asked each one to join me, but I won’t be able to hear them until I play this recording later:

Who is speaking here? and what kind of speech is this? 

8:49:31 = Whose Next?

8:52:05 = He Forced Her…

8:53:35 = Well She

8:54:36 = Paid For Her Sins

8:56:09 = Well…

9:00:13 = Well…To get what I wanted

9:09:13 = Dad?

9:11:09 = Patience…

9:12:51 = Patience…Sinner

9:16:15 = Rose!

9:17:15 =  Warned her…kids

How does it feel to hear the victims speak?:

8:49:31 = Whose Next?

8:52:05 = He Forced Her…

8:53:35 = Well She

8:54:36 = Paid For Her Sins

8:56:09 = Well…

9:00:13 = Well…To get what I wanted

9:09:13 = Dad?

9:11:09 = Patience…

9:12:51 = Patience…Sinner

9:16:15 = Rose!

9:17:15 =  Warned her…kids

“It is being named that allows the other to speak, to come into its own as an autonomous agency.” - Steven Connor

Howard, Nellie and Alice Pitezel 

Charles Cole

Sarah Cook

Mr. Rodgers of Virginia 

Lizzie

During his last interview before he was electrocuted in 1989, Ted Bundy reportedly said “We serial killers are your sons, we are your husbands, we are everywhere. And there will be more of your children dead tomorrow.” (Jennie Bard - Skeptoid) 

As I am reading names off paper my flashlight begins to flicker in and out, causing me to squint and lean forward. I am too aware of my surroundings, constantly interrupted by trains bellowing over my head. I wonder if these distractions effect the way we are communicating. I wonder if i’m “doing this right.” 

“A voice is an event in time, something that happens to us, even happens on us, in a way that an object presented for sight is not, the experience of hearing something with ones own ears is much more importunate and encroaching than seeing it with ones own eyes.” 

Can we really be having a conversation if I can’t understand you? How can we engage if I only know what you’re saying later on, in my bed, with all the lights on and the covers up to my chin?  Ideally I wouldn’t want to bring you home with me, hear you over and over again as I try to decipher your phrases

8:26:12 = Theres Something Not…

8:33:27 = Its all soon

8:34:18 = Stop

8:35:36 = Save Me

8:37:44 = Who Says?

“A voice without an origin, which is usually to say, a voice immune to the powers of the eye and the categorical cognitive functions associated with it, will emphasize the power of the voice as utterance and effect over against its associations with presence and intention.”

As I press on through names I come across something strange when I say Pearl Conner. Without hesitating I swear I can hear the name Pearl projected back to me from the box below. Startled I abandoned my script, I figured this was what I had been waiting for, this was what I had wanted. A true interaction. 

Dr. Robert Leacock

Dr. Russell

Julia Conner and Peal Conner

Mr. Rodgers of Virginia

Lizzie

Emeline Cigrand

Minnie Williams

Nannie Williams

Benjamin F. Pitezel

Howard, Nellie and Alice Pitezel

Charles Cole

Sarah Cook

Rosen Van Jesen 

Unnamed Victim

“I am convinced that since my imprisonment I have changed woefully and gruesomely from what I was formerly in feature and figure. My features are assuming a pronounced Satanical cast. I have become afflicted with that dread disease, rare but terrible, with which physicians are acquainted, but over which they have no control whatsoever. That disease is a malformation or distortion of the osseous parts…My head and face are gradually assuming an elongated shape. I believe fully that I am growing to resemble the devil andthat the similitude is almost completed.” - 1983 H. H. Holmes 

THE FUTURE: 

In 2015 H.H Holmes will be the main inspiration for Evan Peters character in the new American Horror Story on TV. In 2016 Leonardo DiCaprio will also be playing Holmes in a new thriller film for which he will hope to finally get his academy award.   

What was my intention during this? To capture spirits speaking on camera or to feel something that I so often push off as meaningless superstition? To play with language as a malleable object that transcends if I open my mind to it? I want you to take what you will from this. Does my access to spiritual events through western eyes change the outcome? What does it mean to make “contact” with a 90$ spirit box I purchased online? What does it mean to you that you are listening to a recording of a recording on a laptop? Could you hear the spirits talking without subtitles? Or did my chosen text form the structure of this interaction? Do you believe me as I stand here dressed as the stereotypical devil? Do you believe me?

You Summon Him is a online program built to teach individuals how to consume, explore and participate in their own desire. Though the help of The Guide the individual is lead through ritualized performance (sometimes alone or with others) in order to connect with the unreachable. 

“If I acknowledge my dependency, I do so because for me it is a means of signifying my demand: in the realm of love, futility is not a "weakness" or an "absurdity": it is a strong sign: the more futile, the more it signifies and the more it asserts itself as strength.)” - Barthes, Fragments of a Lover's Discourse

As always keep in mind the active steps to conjuring what you desire  

1.  Know the name of the entity you intend to summon.   2. It is important to have a specific purpose; know exactly *why* you are summoning 3. When we ask assistance from an entity, it is only proper to offer something in return. Be prepared to give something in return. This is something both you and the entity should agree upon. NEVER agree to anything you know you cannot follow